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Sep
Once you find out you are expecting your first child, you run into two types of people: those with children and those without. And both will be quick to give you advice. As someone who is entering into unknown territory, you would think that advice is always welcome. But it soon becomes absolutely overwhelming! Your family, co-workers, friends, the lady at the gym, strangers passing by–they all have something to say, whether you want to hear it or not. Some of this advice is based on experience, some of it is based on fact, some is based on what the experts say, and some is just plain wrong. So what do you do, how do you filter out what works from all the rubbish?
I actually stopped listening to people unless they had some resource to back it up. I started consuming every book possible on infant care, sleep, feeding, etc. thinking I would let the experts guide me. The problem is, many of the experts disagree too! So what do you do? You wing it like the rest of us and try out different things until something finally works. After many failed attempts with many items that seemed great, but ended up useless, I have devised a list of the top 10 must-have Geek Mom things for a new baby. I have chosen to omit some of the no-brainers like diapers, and onesies, instead I have included some items that I found invaluable that may not necessarily be at the top of your baby registry.
So just when you thought you have heard all of the advice you needed, Geek Mom speaks:
10. Desitin Creamy: OK, I know you may think that this item should be considered a no-brainer, but I am actually partial to this particular brand. It’s inexpensive, it works, and it goes on (and off) very easily. Don’t be conned into buying anything more expensive: they all do the same thing (they are moisture barriers) and are mostly the same ingredients–either zinc oxide or petroleum-based. This one just happens to also have the added benefit of being a nice easy spreadable consistency–it’s like whipped frosting-and trust me, when your baby actually gets a rash, you want cleaning the area as easy and non-abrasive as possible.
9. Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter: A girlfriend who is also a mom bought this for me and mailed it to me insisting that I needed to read it, and she was absolutely right! Ellyn Satter, the author is a renowned nutritionist that covers all aspects of feeding from pregnancy to childhood. She not only discusses different foods and when to introduce them, but how to establish a good feeding relationship between child and parent. Food is an essential to life itself and a fundamental responsibility for parents. This books helps guide you with food choices, nutrition, safety, and creating a good “food relationship” with you child.
8. Baby Bottles: Even if you are planning to breastfeed, get yourself at least a couple of bottles as back up. We are told from the beginning that breastfeeding is best, but we are not warned against the many possible complications (or at least I wasn’t). What if your milk comes in late? What if the baby doesn’t latch properly? What do you do if you baby is hungry at midnight and breastfeeding isn’t working? You get out a bottle and either pump some breast milk or give them formula and you need bottles to do this. Many breastfeeding moms will never need a bottle, but they are not expensive and having a couple on hand will save many tears and stress during an already sensitive time.
7. Amby Baby Hammock: I see the eyebrows raise everytime I mention that we used this item, but it was an essential for us in the beginning. We had a baby who would not sleep on his back or in his crib and we were against co-sleeping for many reasons. I found that my infant would sleep in a sling great, which was wonderful during the day–but we were stuck at night, not wanting to co-sleep. The hammock not only helped our son easily sleep through the night but also allowed him to learn to take naps with ease. This is a pricy item and we bought it in lieu of a bassinet and used it until he was 6 months old where he transitioned to the crib easily. Is it for every baby? No…but if yours is having problems sleeping on his back, or has colic or is diagnosed with any sort of acid reflux disease, it is a must.
6. Happiest Baby on the Block (book and DVD): There are so many books out there about babies and sleep, and let’s face it, sleep is one of the most important things we are worried about at first (both for us and the baby). This book/DVD is the 0-12 week handbook on soothing a baby and the techniques truly work. The best part is that is available on DVD so you don’t have to try to get your significant other to read it–you can both sit down in front of the TV and see how Dr. Karp amazingly calms crying babies–it’s like watching a magic show, but he show you how he does all of his tricks!
5. Fisher Price Papasan Baby Swing: A swing is another must when it comes to an infant. Though our son didn’t like it at first, he did by about 4-6 weeks. Swings allow the baby to be soothed while freeing up our hands to make dinner or take a shower, or do many of those basic things we can’t seem to get done after a new baby enters our life. I particularly like the Fisher Price ones because they are secure, have different speeds and can swing both front to back and side to side. This is my favorite since the seat is a papasan and seems more comfortable then one that is upright.
4. White Noise Machine: Let’s face it, infant do 3 things, sleep, eat, and cry. And if they don’t get enough of the first two, then they will do more of the third. So if we feed them properly and teach them to sleep, then they really do cry less. White noise is a good way to help your baby get sleep and sleep longer–especially if you have other children, a small house or live where there is outside noise. The white noise drowns out everything and allows them to sleep better. Try one out for yourself–you will be surprised. I could put ours on and get both the baby and my husband to sleep in no time!
3. Miracle Blanket: Swaddling is another essential skill to learn to learn with newborns. The problem is that it is hard to find blankets big enough to properly swaddle a baby and the “Swaddlers” they sell at stores really don’t wrap them tight enough. The Miracle Blanket is by far the best swaddler I’ve ever used. It allows you to easily wrap your baby in a tight burrito, which (if you read/watch the Happiest Baby on the Block) you will find is a key to soothing an infant.
2. Boppy Pillow: The thing I like about the bobby is that it has so many uses! Breast feeders can use it as a pillow to hold the baby, as can bottle feeders, it can also be used as a place for the baby to lie on his back or for tummy time. It comes with covers that are easy to throw in the wash and it’s not so big as you can’t take it with you.
1. The Baby Whisperer Books: Back to sleeping and eating, I found myself innundated with different methods and books that taught parents how to get their babies to sleep and with my own experience and talking to many many other moms, the Baby Whispers approach is by far the best. Not that there are not other books that take similar approaches, but I found her book the most straight-forward. Whether you breastfeed or bottle feed, setting up your child on a routine is one of the most important things you can do to make your baby’s and family’s life better. Babies and children thrive on routines–knowing what comes next gives them a sense of security and reduces frustration for both the child and parent. Setting them up early on a feeding and sleeping routine will carry over as they grow into more complicated routines such as those before bed (bath, brush teeth, story) and during school. Routines are how school teachers are able to handle so many kids at once. They know what to expect and what is expected from then at a particular time. I particularly like the baby whisperer because the author takes into consideration that not all babies are the same or have the same temperment, so some may sleep easily while others need some soothing and others need to be left alone. Yes dhe narrows it down to 6 categories, but you will find your child falls into 1 or two of those and be able to adjust your technques and expectations according to those personalities. Also check out her second book too (The Baby Whisperer Solves All of Your Problems…)–I found it quite valuable with many tricks and techniques that she does not discuss in her first book. And if you don’t like the Baby Whisperer, find another “routine” plan such as Babywise or Good Night Sleep Tight. Trust me on this, this was one of the single most important things I did for my child and family.
So there is my top ten. I only focused on newborns because as they grow there are a slew other other must haves and must avoid products out there. Please feel free to add anything you think I’ve missed or comment on the products I mentioned!
Sep
Every mom has a labor story for every child they had. It may get foggy with time, but something that monumental must be remembered and told…over and over. It is important that your child know where you were when you went into labor, how long you were in labor, how long you pushed, what time he/she was born, and any and all complications. Your child was there, but by no means remembers the event, and that is just not fair! So they must be told how difficult (or easy) it was bringing them into the world. I have one child born two years ago today, and I too will be guilty of telling him his birth story over and over. But you reader, who really does not care about my son’s birth story, will be spared those gory details, for the most part.
As a first time parent and card-carrying Geek, I of course made sure that I was prepared for parenthood. Yes, I actually fooled myself into believing this by reading every book under the sun about taking care of infants, we bought everything that was on everyone’s must have list for a new parent along with every baby gadget that got a Consumer’s Guide high rating. We were informed and well prepared, what more could there be? You non-parents are probably all agreeing, but all you parents are all laughing, because there is not enough reading you can do or things you can buy that prepares you for meeting and taking care of your first child. No matter what, things will happen on a daily basis, that you are just not prepared for.
I met Nate around 6:30am in the morning after they cut him out of me. Oh, no worries, we were in a hospital, there was no pain (at least during the procedure) and it was nice and quick. I was actually disappointed because there was no climatic build like you see when women give birth on TV or film– just me lying on a bed with my husband at my head. All we could see was a perfectly placed curtain that the doctor and nurses were working behind like they were doing some elaborate magic trick. “Watch me pull a baby out of this belly… ”
My husband probably remembers it different, but again, I felt no pain: there were drugs involved here. So I was almost taken off guard when I heard my doctor’s voice from behind the magic curtain confirm his sex, and I heard his first cry. My chest immediately swelled so much that it overflowed into my head and out of my eyes, it was an immediate and overwhelming response. I was actually beside myself with emotions–something up until that point of my adult life that I had gained complete control over. And the funny thing is, I’ve never gotten back the reigns completely– a Pandora’s box that I still can’t completely close . Sure, I’ve gotten some control over them, but now I get weepy watching the silliest of movies or TV programs that are purely designed to pull your heart strings. Whereas before, I would laugh out loud at these feeble and obvious attempts to make me cry, now I get sucked in and find my chest welling and eyes filling. Sometimes the feeling is enormous, but the situation is not ideal–so I end up excusing myself under the guise of going to the bathroom to stop myself from balling right there.
Sometime while in the recovery room, I finally got to meet and hold my son. It seemed like an eternity had gone by of being pregnant and preparing for his arrival, but there he was,–all 6lbs. and 12 oz. of him, and I had this overwhelming desire not to let him go. I have to admit that not bonding with him was a huge fear for me during my pregnancy. I’ve never been a baby person. You know the type…they are drawn to and attracted to babies and will go out of their ways to hold and cuddle them. When they hold a baby, it just looks so natural, like they are some professional baby handler. I, on the other hand, would go out of my way to no hold babies, and when I did find myself on the rare occasion with an infant in my arms, I felt quite awkward and uncomfortable (but of course, tried to portray just the opposite) and was eager to pass the little peanut off to someone else.
I didn’t have an overwhelmingly bonding experience while I was pregnant either. I mean, he was there and made me quite aware of that, first with the massive morning sickness and then the last few month when he was carrying on with various sporting events like kick mommy’s bladder and poke mommy’s ribs, but it was more of a co-existence where we both had our agendas and needs (most of which consisted of being comfortable and subsiding hunger). It was this limbo situation with the anticipation of meeting each other on his arrival. I know you are supposed to read, talk to, and play music for your babies while pregnant, but every time I attempted this, I felt quite silly. And I apologize Nate, if this causes you not to appreciate Mozart like you should. But you did get your fill of Modest Mouse and the Shins, so I hope that helped with something…
So there I was, new Geek mom, baby in hand, and he felt like he was an extension of myself–the bond was immediate, and like super glue, there would take some prying for me to let him go. The nurses, and even my husband, would need to take him from me for various reasons, including for the fact that we both needed some sleep-and my heart would slightly tear each time. I just didn’t want to let him go.
Of course, for both of our sakes, this attachment has gradually weened as he as become more independent (heck, he’s two right now so he things he runs the world), and with each step away from me, I become more of a proud parent. “Oh look, he’s sleeping in his crib, feeding himself, taking his first steps, using my ipod, trying to play daddy’s Xbox,” and with each of these moments my heart swells with pride over his accomplishments, but it still tears a little too…
Sep
It doesn’t happen over night you know, and you are by no means born that way: becoming a Geek mom is a process. If I look back I can remember scraping up 25 pennies so I could cash it in for a quarter to play Pac Man at the Jiffy Mart, just one more time. Whoops, does that allude to how old I am? I was a late bloomer when it came to parenthood, so yeah, I could be considered an older mom, but then again, that’s all about the Geek, isn’t it? No need to start a family or get married early young! There are technical careers to be had and video games to be played. Books to be read, and many many movies to be seen and discussed at length, and how can my music collection grow when I’ve got to buy diapers? Kids? No way! So many many things to do and gadgets to buy before children enter the picture–if they ever enter the picture that is. But I digress….
In High School, my geekdome was masked by other various social activities, but it was still there. I may have ran with that ultra-cool drama crowd, but underneath it all, I was still a Geek. I still snuck off to arcades to play whatever new game was out (hello Dragonslayer!) and saved my hard earned cash for the new Nintendo system (or was that in college?). I remember closing my eyes at night and seeing visions of Mario and mushrooms still tattooed on the back of my eyelids.
My college years were spent fine-tuning the inner Geek, and it was so much easier since the Geek/non-Geek ratio was so much higher there. Not only where there many more male Geeks, but some females to boot–and get this, there were cute boys that actually wanted to date Geek girls. So I could put on my Chuck Taylors with a beat up Beatles t-shirt, some torn jeans and my hair color D’jour and guys would still hit on me–amazing!
Post college meant getting a job, and though my heart and degree where in creative writing, it was the 90’s– so being a Geek with the ability to understand other Geeks and write about it was a job I could get paid at. It was called technical writing and I was able to stick my tongue out at everyone that said, “You are an English major?–Are you going to teach High School?”
So, no I wasn’t writing the great American novel, nor a screenplay for the next box office hit, but I was writing, and I was getting paid for it to boot! And I was getting to know even more Geeks, oh joy! This was the time when I was introduced to some serious Geek fun, like CCGs (Collectible Card Games). I started with the mac daddy of them all Magic: the Gathering. I would actually go with people from work to lunch and we would play during our lunch break! making sure the tables were clean and dry so our cards would not get damaged. Oh yes, all true. I still have the many boxes of cards to prove it.
And then there was the after-work LAN parties! Lots of demons and aliens to kill. Yes, the inner-Geek had truly taken over, and it was all good!
But there comes an actual time in a woman’s life where she looks at her age and where she is at and has to decide whether or not she wants to have children. It’s just a fact, that eventually she won’t be able to have kids. At 25, kids were far from a thought for me, but at 30? Wow, not only could I hear that clock, but I was ready to start on the path to make that all happen. Marriage and children were still a far off scary though, but the thought of never doing it was even scarier.
Three years later, I married my husband, a fellow Geek like myself who also wanted kids. Less than a year we talked about trying to start a family and within the blink of an eye, I was holding a positive pregnancy test. Little did I know that my life would completely change. But I refused to put the laptop away and start baking cookies. I still wanted video games for Christmas and a subscription to PC magazine, I was about to become Geek Mom.
